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My Story


"Everything is honored, but nothing matters."

            ~ Eckhart Tolle

In the words of Baba Muktananda, "With great respect and love, I welcome you all with all of my heart!"

Ok, I guess I will just dive right in! So... a cashier recently asked me what my spiritual practice was. I was at a local grocery store, and have chatted with him before. My answer was and will always be, that I believe in everything. I will add here that that makes me nothing... I am just me. 


I was in love with Greek mythology from a very early age, I was baptized at age seven at an Episcopal church in inner-city Philadelphia, and I met Baba Muktananda at age ten. Gurumayi Chidvilasananda gave me shaktipat, the awakening of the spiritual energy that resides at the base of the spine, also at age ten. I could not be more grateful to have had the few years of Baba Muktananda's physical presence, his teachings, and his continued internal guidance and influence throughout my life. I grew up in Siddha Yoga, visiting and at times living in ashrams all over the world, and having the incredible gift of Gurumayi's guidance... writing that brings me tears of gratitude, literally. I have had many amazing experiences of Baba's guru, Bhagavan Nityananda, including being held by him as a baby in another life. All three of them are planted firmly in my heart, they are my gurus. 


At age twenty-five, Gurumayi told me that it was time for me to go to my inner guru for answers and she gave me an enormous hat that looked like something from Alice in Wonderland, ha ha ha. That was my relationship with her growing up, very playful, and always supporting me to be my own unique self, to listen to my heart. It took me quite a while to understand that command and follow it. I now understand that she was setting me on a path of letting go of spiritual structures; religions, paths, or any understanding that is no longer congruent with my current understanding. I am learning more and more how to find appreciation and love for all structures, all religions, all paths, but to only align myself with the things that feel accurate in my own heart. For instance, I had an experience of the presence of Jesus when I was in Abadiania, Brasil and it was amazing, but that doesn't make me Christian. I am also not Hindu, though I sometimes listen to Hindu chants, repeat mantras, and do puja. Loving Hafiz does not make me Muslim. I am not Jewish, or Sikh, or Wiccan, or anything, but there are beautiful teachings in all of them, and other paths, that inspire me.

I thrive with more perspectives and less structure, I always have. I am not alone, not by a long shot. In Siddha Yoga I came across people of all faiths, and even rabbis, priests and a few nuns too. Something an amazing acupuncturist once told me applies. I told him that acupuncture always worked the best for me and he said, "It's not about the healing modality, it's about the practitioner." The same can be said about spiritual teachers. It's not about the religion, or faith or path, it's about the teacher. And I have even found that some people who claim to be agnostics are actually all believers at heart. They find their own unstructured relationship with Divine Grace. Divine Grace is my own preferred term, but I appreciate deities in all of their amazing forms and I understand their incredible value. Cultivating devotion is a wonderful way to open one's heart and finding a form that one is able to do that with is a magical experience.

I have learned and experienced that consciousness is the foundation of everything from childhood, and while I could certainly know it much more deeply, it's not a 'belief', I know it. What that means to me is that there is only one thing that I can call absolute truth, and that is that everything is consciousness. My experience is that consciousness is love, and it is obviously 100% malleable. That is why it has to be the only absolute truth. So, what I have learned is that whatever 'works' to help us navigate our lives, all of which is our spiritual experience, is true for us... for just as long as it is true for us. Whatever feels accurate in our own hearts, that is the way. Whatever feels inspired, like love light and solution, that is The Truth, and that may shift at any given moment... and that is a-ok.

When something no longer feels true in our hearts it does not mean it is not true for anyone else, it simply means we are transitioning to a new understanding. Then the next thing that is true shows up to guide us when we allow ourselves to let go of the last truth. Letting something go doesn't necessarily mean it's gone forever or no longer has value for us. Sometimes letting go of something is what allows it to show up in a whole new way! If you've heard of The Law of Attraction it does come with two other laws, Deliberate Creation and Allowing. Abraham-Hicks, Esther Hicks channeling Abraham, is another amazing perspective that I was blessed to initially experience at one of their seminars in Albuquerque, NM in either late 2000 or early 2000, I can't remember which. Their teachings, those laws, were the foundation of the film The Secret, a fantastic perspective, incredibly helpful. Ask and It Is Given is a great book by them, if you'd like to learn more.

Ok, so as I mentioned in my intro, I have had a relationship

with several out of body enlightened masters from childhood. I did not actually understand that is what was going on until 2007. I later realized that Gurumayi had been working on opening my eyes to them all along, not just her final command, other earlier experiences as well. As I have worked with people, I have come to realize that many others have internal guidance and are unaware of what it is. It can show up in many ways. One that I think many people can relate to is suddenly hearing the words coming out of our own mouths as useful guidance in our own lives. That implies hearing a new perspective rather than figuring it out, that is internal guidance. I have had multiple perspectives in my mind for as long as I can remember, weighing in on decisions, or giving me useful information for myself or others. I learned from a very dear friend, an amazing, incredibly intelligent and highly accomplished doctor, that not everyone has multiple perspectives in their minds. We spent a great deal of time talking and one day she told me that she only had one perspective in her mind, but that she observed that I had several. That was an eye-opener! 

I now understand that my guides have been working through me on friends, family and even random strangers that I'd have brief odd encounters with, for most of my life, possibly from birth, hard for me to say, lol. I thought that the information I would receive must have been picked up along my way, but as I began working with more people I realized I was getting very specific and often personal information. Sometimes I see images that others are seeing in their mind, hearing words they are thinking, feeling emotions they are feeling or at times knowing things about them that I really couldn't know. I am not a future teller, for many reasons. The main one is that there are WAY too many possible futures, reality lines, and possible shifts that a person goes through in every moment to have a solid idea. At times I have had future possibilities come through, but only as a guiding light to open people up to something that they had not been able to imagine for themselves.

In 2007 I went to see John of God in Abadiania, Brasil and it was there that my guides made it very clear to me that they were entirely separate beings from me. They also made it clear that because of the work that I have done in my life to be surrendered to higher guidance, they could actually influence my choices and even my body, and likely had saved me many times with that neat trick, lol. To be clear, they have been with me as long as I can remember, realizing they were not 'me' did not create any fear because the intimacy of their presence was completely familiar to me and I can feel their love.

On my last day in Abadiania I realized I was being mildly controlled, in a very positive and sweet way.  I am a very self-aware person and have done a crapload of emotional and spiritual work and I can only say that when I knew who was doing all of this, it tickled the hell out of me. It also explained many things that I had not understood about myself and felt incredibly relieving! 
The experience was playful and helpful for me. For the entire two weeks I was there I was awakened every morning at very early hours and was completely alert and feeling great. That hadn't happened before and hasn't happened since, because I am a night owl. It felt wonderful to wake up so early feeling perfectly refreshed and chipper!

Then, on the last day, I kept thinking things and then being overruled, lol, "I do not want to get up right now." because I'de stayed up too late the night before, but I got up anyway. "I do not want to take a shower." And then taking a shower. I do not want to wash my hair!" And so on and so forth. It was a weird feeling but it gave me a lot. It got me to go experience a gorgeous sunrise on 'Spirit Hill' with some wonderful friends. And as I mentioned before, it also really helped me understand things about myself that hadn't made sense to me before, things that I love about myself, and the nature of my internal guidance.

When I came back from Brasil I found out about Dr. Richard Bartlett and his Matrix Energetics seminars. He teaches a technique that enables one to create pretty incredible shifts of every kind. One could really call it either magic or science, it falls easily into either category. After taking my first seminar, I realized it was the perfect way for me to initially open myself up to working on people. I had been told many times I should do various forms of therapy, energy work, healing and always had resisted and felt like... well... it was always a "No!" After taking a Matrix Energetics seminar I realized, as Dr. Bartlett mentions in his book many people are, that I had actually been doing my own form of what he teaches for many years. Many people are already doing it, but his method of conveying, clarifying and playing with it is fantastic! He is a brilliant teacher, imho, and I am so grateful for his books and the seminars that I took. I learned and recieved so much from him. 

I have also heard this kind of work called quantum healing, as I mentioned in the intro. I prefer that term as it feels most accurate to me, as descriptions go. Basically, we observe the body with internal vision, that focused observation creates an opportunity for a new possibility. We interact with the new possibility and then as we release the focus, and see what happens! As we release the focus, you will often feel a wave of energy. It can feel like an urge to sit down, or unsteadiness, or for some as though they are being pushed back. When a person allows themselves to ride that wave, big or small, to let themselves fall back onto a chair or couch, it is usually a very pleasant sensation. In other words, relaxing into it brings a feeling of joy, and sometimes relief. It's a way of actively letting go and even that brief letting go is all that is needed to allow a shift.

Ok... that's all for now. Have a lovely day, evening, life, moment, dream... loads of love to all.

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